Two of our five kids are all about fun. They learn differently than the rest of our kids. They retain information when they are having fun, not when they are promised fun after the learning is over. Although all kids enjoy learning when the activities are fun, there are some learners, probably kinesthetic ones, who learn best when you whip a beanbag at their heads for each wrong answer, or let them read while dangling upside down, putting their heads where their bottoms should go, and their feet straight up a wall. These kids like being timed, they like drills, competition, and the challenge of a predictable event ( one extra M&M in their stack for each right answer, one M&M eaten by you, from their stack, while they watch, when they get a wrong answer) and so on. You have to keep it light -- whipping a beanbag at someone can be done in the spirit of fun!
It is not surprising to know that these two children are also competitive is sports and both have been major contributors to several different teams. Not only do they learn through playing, but they play when they are bored -- appreciating word games or puzzles or riddles on long car trips, "Quiz Nights" during supper, and races to see who gets done with unpleasant jobs the fastest, bestest, or with the mostest style. They are also the children who are the most sensitive to discipline. A hard look of displeasure from us could reduce them to quiet tears, and time-outs were pointless -- the would just play. If you took away everything, they would play with carpet fuzz, or threads, or their own eyelashes. Aside from "hitting them where it hurts" you could also hit them where it hurts by taking away their favorite activities. They care so much about doing the right thing that by the time each of them was ten, they almost self-corrected. Along with the tackling, tickling, competition and beanbag whipping, they require a gentle tone of voice, quiet explanations sometimes days later, and a thoughtful disciplining of their puppy-like ways.
Parents often make the mistake of correcting the essence out of these learners, telling them to "smarten up," "pay attention," "focus," "stop messing around," "quit clowning, "sit still," and so on. It is a shame to squash this playful spirit, and akin to trying to make a dog meow. It is not in their nature.
Sure, you can force them to sit and study quietly, to "knock it off" and get the work done first, but that takes some of the joy away from their very nature, turning them, instead, into children who learn to view study and work as a terrible chore they will spend much of their time avoiding. It's hard to get into a good college or be an asset to any employer when you shut down at the first sign of work.
What you should do with these children is identify how they best learn and work, and help cultivate that in your home,
Work along side of them. Make it fun. Dictate or list as little as possible:
- If we get done with this weeding in 20 minutes, we'll have time for a Slurpee.
- Balance on the exercise ball without your feet touching the floor once and recite the entire poem. If you touch, you have to do it again.
- I'll bet you can't finish this bedroom in 20 minutes and still pass a "white glove test."
- Do your best Zebra/Gibbon/Ronald Reagan impression while we fold this laundry.
- I'll bet you can vacuum up more carpet fuzz than last Saturday, since the dog was in here twice as much as last week.
Now, to some children, specifically two others of ours, making them balance on a ball while reciting a poem isn't a challenge, it's a punishment, and whipping a beanbag at their heads is downright cruelty. Kids, even in the same family, need to be treated as individuals.
You have to know what floats your child's boat.
My dad used to yell at me and tell me how much faster I could work and how much better I could do it. Boy do I miss those days. Good times! That "worked" :) but I think your ideas just might be better...good stuff. This is exactly the kind of practical stuff us parents need. Check my Things Good Parent Do blog at http://wwb.parentconsensus.com/blog/
Posted by: Jim Kochenburger | September 09, 2008 at 10:37 PM